My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
