Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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