im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
