drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the condom got lost in my hair
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
