He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
