you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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