Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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