You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
