my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
