Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
