Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
