I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
