More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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