I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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