Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
