sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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