Fine. I'll sleep in my office
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
