I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
