Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
