I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
