did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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