he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
