Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
