I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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