On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
