You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I met the friendliest cop last night
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
