Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
