found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
