Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
