I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
