You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
