I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
