Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
