Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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