Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
