My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
