we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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