Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
