i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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