Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
