I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
