my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
