On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Sober January is a disaster.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
