I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
