White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
