Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
