glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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