You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
