dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
