Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's rum buckets o'clock
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
