He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
