problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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