You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
