We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You did what with his pubic hair?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
