I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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