He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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