is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
