that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
