Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
