I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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