You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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