On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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