how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
