I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
