Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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