Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
