Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
