So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
