He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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