I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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