You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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