guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
