Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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