i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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