there's paper in my vomit.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize