After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
